I hope you didn’t think that that was it. I hope you didn’t think once the divorce was final, and I was able to be with my true love, that I simply lived “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”! No, this was real life. Real life just doesn’t work that way. Even though I am telling you it wasn’t all good, it certainly wasn’t all bad either. Unfortunately, if I’m going to be accurate in telling you this story, I have to share some of the not-so-fun stuff that also happened through it all.
I want to go back to D-day, the day of the divorce. The day “started out” kind of normal, other than the fact I knew I was about to finalize an 8 year marriage, I dressed for work and waited on the babysitter to arrive at my house. My plans were to go to the office where I worked, and then go to court later that morning. When the babysitter got there, I instantly felt tension in the air. I should tell you that my babysitter was about my mother’s age, and she was a member of the church that I attended. She made it clear that she was completely against what I was doing. She really tried to talk me out of, according to her, making the biggest mistake of my life. I understood where she was coming from, and I really appreciated her concern. I tried listening to her. I really did. The problem was, once the “light switch” was turned off from that marriage, there literally was no going back. It took a long time to get to that point in the first place. When it did get there, that was it. It was finished. It was over. I told her, I appreciated her concern, but I had to go to work. I left for work, and I didn’t get very far up the road when I got a call on my cell phone. It was her. She informed me that I needed to turn around and come back, because she was not going to stay there with my children, since I was actually going to go through with the divorce. She just did not want to be a part of it. The thing that puzzled me, was that she hadn’t been babysitting for me for long. As far as I knew, she knew absolutely nothing about my marriage, (except maybe what Scottie was telling her). Even though I had known her for several years from church, she really didn’t know me that well at all. I just didn’t understand why she was so emotionally involved. I still, to this day, do not understand it. I called my mom, and she bailed me out once again. My mom went to my house to relieve her from her babysitting duties.
It wasn’t long after the divorce when a leader from the church dropped in on me at my house. I invited him in and we sat down on the couch. He wasn’t there very long at all. He just wanted to come by and let me know that I was being “released” from my duties at church. I can’t say for sure, but it felt like he was implying that I wasn’t “worthy” to perform my duties as a children’s choir director any longer. That was only the beginning of the explicit rejection that started manifesting. One night, I received a phone call from one of my nieces (on Scottie’s side) with whom I was very close. During that conversation, she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was upset with me, and could not forgive me. I understood. She still has not forgiven me to this day. Losing her and my 4 brothers-in-law and 3 sisters-in-law, was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I knew why they felt the way they did. I deserved it. I hurt them. I hurt their uncle, their brother. I hurt their cousins, their niece and nephews. I get it. I deserved the rejection. I didn’t realize all the people this was going to affect. The truth is, our decisions affect so many people around us. I want to tell all of them, from the babysitter, to my niece, to my brothers and sisters-in-law, I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt any of them.
To be continued…
Lost and Finding Joy 