2nd Chance To Be With My 1st Love, Albeit With a “Scarlet Letter” on My Chest (Part 2)

I hope you didn’t think that that was it.  I hope you didn’t think once the divorce was final, and I was able to be with my true love, that I simply lived “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”!  No, this was real life.  Real life just doesn’t work that way.  Even though I am telling you it wasn’t all good, it certainly wasn’t all bad either.  Unfortunately, if I’m going to be accurate in telling you this story, I have to share some of the not-so-fun stuff that also happened through it all.

I want to go back to D-day, the day of the divorce.  The day “started out” kind of normal, other than the fact I knew I was about to finalize an 8 year marriage, I dressed for work and waited on the babysitter to arrive at my house.  My plans were to go to the office where I worked, and then go to court later that morning.  When the babysitter got there, I instantly felt tension in the air.  I should tell you that my babysitter was about my mother’s age, and she was a member of the church that I attended.  She made it clear that she was completely against what I was doing.  She really tried to talk me out of, according to her, making the biggest mistake of my life.  I understood where she was coming from, and I really appreciated her concern.  I tried listening to her.  I really did.  The problem was, once the “light switch” was turned off from that marriage, there literally was no going back.  It took a long time to get to that point in the first place.  When it did get there, that was it.  It was finished.  It was over.  I told her, I appreciated her concern, but I had to go to work.  I left for work, and I didn’t get very far up the road when I got a call on my cell phone.  It was her.  She informed me that I needed to turn around and come back, because she was not going to stay there with my children, since I was actually going to go through with the divorce.  She just did not want to be a part of it.  The thing that puzzled me, was that she hadn’t been babysitting for me for long.  As far as I knew, she knew absolutely nothing about my marriage, (except maybe what Scottie was telling her).  Even though I had known her for several years from church, she really didn’t know me that well at all.  I just didn’t understand why she was so emotionally involved.  I still, to this day, do not understand it.  I called my mom, and she bailed me out once again.  My mom went to my house to relieve her from her babysitting duties.

It wasn’t long after the divorce when a leader from the church dropped in on me at my house.  I invited him in and we sat down on the couch.  He wasn’t there very long at all.  He just wanted to come by and let me know that I was being “released” from my duties at church.  I can’t say for sure, but it felt like he was implying that I wasn’t “worthy” to perform my duties as a children’s choir director any longer.  That was only the beginning of the explicit rejection that started manifesting.  One night, I received a phone call from one of my nieces (on Scottie’s side) with whom I was very close.  During that conversation, she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was upset with me, and could not forgive me.  I understood.  She still has not forgiven me to this day.  Losing her and my 4 brothers-in-law and 3 sisters-in-law, was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I knew why they felt the way they did.  I deserved it.  I hurt them.  I hurt their uncle, their  brother.  I hurt their cousins, their niece and nephews.  I get it.  I deserved the rejection.  I didn’t realize all the people this was going to affect.  The truth is, our decisions affect so many people around us.  I want to tell all of them, from the babysitter, to my niece, to my brothers and sisters-in-law, I am sorry.  I did not mean to hurt any of them.

To be continued…

Published by Lisa

As an author of the book, Lost and Finding Joy: Discovering Joy During Difficult Times, entrepreneur, certified life coach and life mastery consultant, my passion is to connect people with their dreams and to help them build their dreams -- or at least create better results for themselves; helping them live richer, more fulfilling lives. I really enjoy sharing my own personal experiences as an example for navigating this life, working towards living 90+ years, instead of living 1 year 90 times.

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