2nd Chance To Be With My 1st Love, Albeit With a “Scarlet Letter” on My Chest (Part 2)

I hope you didn’t think that that was it.  I hope you didn’t think once the divorce was final, and I was able to be with my true love, that I simply lived “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”!  No, this was real life.  Real life just doesn’t work that way.  Even though I am telling you it wasn’t all good, it certainly wasn’t all bad either.  Unfortunately, if I’m going to be accurate in telling you this story, I have to share some of the not-so-fun stuff that also happened through it all.

I want to go back to D-day, the day of the divorce.  The day “started out” kind of normal, other than the fact I knew I was about to finalize an 8 year marriage, I dressed for work and waited on the babysitter to arrive at my house.  My plans were to go to the office where I worked, and then go to court later that morning.  When the babysitter got there, I instantly felt tension in the air.  I should tell you that my babysitter was about my mother’s age, and she was a member of the church that I attended.  She made it clear that she was completely against what I was doing.  She really tried to talk me out of, according to her, making the biggest mistake of my life.  I understood where she was coming from, and I really appreciated her concern.  I tried listening to her.  I really did.  The problem was, once the “light switch” was turned off from that marriage, there literally was no going back.  It took a long time to get to that point in the first place.  When it did get there, that was it.  It was finished.  It was over.  I told her, I appreciated her concern, but I had to go to work.  I left for work, and I didn’t get very far up the road when I got a call on my cell phone.  It was her.  She informed me that I needed to turn around and come back, because she was not going to stay there with my children, since I was actually going to go through with the divorce.  She just did not want to be a part of it.  The thing that puzzled me, was that she hadn’t been babysitting for me for long.  As far as I knew, she knew absolutely nothing about my marriage, (except maybe what Scottie was telling her).  Even though I had known her for several years from church, she really didn’t know me that well at all.  I just didn’t understand why she was so emotionally involved.  I still, to this day, do not understand it.  I called my mom, and she bailed me out once again.  My mom went to my house to relieve her from her babysitting duties.

It wasn’t long after the divorce when a leader from the church dropped in on me at my house.  I invited him in and we sat down on the couch.  He wasn’t there very long at all.  He just wanted to come by and let me know that I was being “released” from my duties at church.  I can’t say for sure, but it felt like he was implying that I wasn’t “worthy” to perform my duties as a children’s choir director any longer.  That was only the beginning of the explicit rejection that started manifesting.  One night, I received a phone call from one of my nieces (on Scottie’s side) with whom I was very close.  During that conversation, she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that she was upset with me, and could not forgive me.  I understood.  She still has not forgiven me to this day.  Losing her and my 4 brothers-in-law and 3 sisters-in-law, was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I knew why they felt the way they did.  I deserved it.  I hurt them.  I hurt their uncle, their  brother.  I hurt their cousins, their niece and nephews.  I get it.  I deserved the rejection.  I didn’t realize all the people this was going to affect.  The truth is, our decisions affect so many people around us.  I want to tell all of them, from the babysitter, to my niece, to my brothers and sisters-in-law, I am sorry.  I did not mean to hurt any of them.

To be continued…

Published by Lisa

As an author of the book, Lost and Finding Joy: Discovering Joy During Difficult Times, entrepreneur, certified life coach and life mastery consultant, Lisa helps her clients come alive by helping them connect to a clear vision and giving them the tools and support they need for increasing their results in their personal life and in business. Since 2001, she’s been a successful entrepreneur of businesses. Over the past 20 years, she has worked with individuals and other business owners, helping them to recognize and move past success blockers, build their dreams, and accelerate their results; helping them live richer, more fulfilling lives. As a sought-after life coach and professional speaker, Lisa offers inspiring workshops as well as transformational, in-depth coaching programs to help individuals and business owners achieve new heights of success, fulfillment, and spiritual aliveness.

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